I’ve recently been finding out that if I have a hard time processing things, it helps to just write about them, so if this seems all over the place, that’s why haha.
God never ceases to amaze me with his timing.. I am ever in wonder of how he places things just when we need them in just the right situation. It’s one of the things that he has been opening my eyes to more and more while I have been serving in Haiti. The funny thing is, often times I don’t even realize that I need whatever he is presenting until he gives it. What an amazing God we serve!
Anyway, as I have blogged most recently, my future is one of question and unknowing. For many people (myself included), an unknown future of any aspect is often cause for worry, alarm, distress, etc; I have experienced this much in the past. As of recent though, God has graced me with this mysterious peace that seems to shroud most of the questions I have about my future. Everyone has dreams and visions for their own future and how they would like it to go and what they would like to do, etc. Of course I am no different as I have certain things that I find pleasing or good that I would like to be included in my future. As I have also blogged as of recent, I’m not sure God will honor these things as his will is much higher than mine and his plan is perfect. This is always a tough thing to wrestle with no matter how much faith you have. There will always be that (at least) one thing that keeps bothering you about not knowing every detail of your own future.
Today is no different. I am still unsure of what my future holds as it looms nearer; I am officially done in Haiti in just under four months. I’m sure all of you know what it feels like to try something and fail, right? Well isn’t that what life is? We all are seeking to find God’s will and when we feel something could be part of his will for our lives we reach out and nudge the door to see if it opens. The hardest test of faith isn’t in the waiting or in the unknowingness (yes I know that’s not a word) of our future but truly in how we react to doors that we feel are right and good that don’t open when we push them. Again, I need to keep in mind that God’s timing and plan is perfect but that doesn’t make it any easier in the moment. It gives us hope for the future knowing that God knows what’s ultimately best for us AND him but it gives little comfort for the present. This has become the test of faith for yer boy.
I want to say “surprisingly though..” but should I really be surprised at how God knows exactly what we need in any moment and chooses in his love and grace to give it to us? I guess I shouldn’t. Well, in the face of a door that I have deemed “good” not opening I have been given a peace that passes my understanding. I was thinking about this peace this morning and the image or likeness of one of those overstuffed chairs that lean back came to me. You know what I’m talking about? When you sit in one of those and just lean back and sink into it’s sweet fluffiness and all is right in the world? Well that’s what it feels like to “sink” into the peace that God has provided. It is a sweet rest knowing that he’s got this all figured out and my part in my future is to just trust him and follow his leading.
There is just no end to the goodness of God, everything that happens to me happens for his good and also for my own good even when I don’t see it as good in the moment. This is a truth that I have been learning to rest in more and more. That doesn’t make it easy to let go of my own will though; I have to constantly sacrifice my own will to the Father’s. I may not know details but I do know my future is gonna be lit…
Shout out to sister Tash for encouraging and praying for me.
Again, thank you for your interest and attention in these strange blogs. lol
May God continue to bless and keep you all,
When peace like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul.”
-Horatio Gates Spafford (1873)