“They say the heart want, what the heart wants…
But we know that ain’t always what we need.”
Two posts in two days? Well look who’s been chatty eh?
I guess one of the best ways that I have learned to process things aside from talking about them to others, is by writing.. Strange since I never liked writing growing up and still don’t loooove it, interesting how God works in us huh?
Over the past few months I have been asking for prayers for clarity about choices that I have been presented with for the near future. I ask again that you pray all the more fiercely for this young heart surrounded by stimulation and potential choices everywhere. I need prayer that I would choose to protect my heart and the ones that I love instead of hurdling headlong into a definitive decision that I will regret either immediately or down the line somewhere. I know that all choices are not good and not all choices which are good are best. I need guidance for what isn’t good for me, but what’s best; not only for me but for my God. At the same time I know this, my heart yearns for action. I am simply impatient; it’s something that God has worked on in my life for years now. Impatience when it comes to the heart is even more dangerous because once the heart is damaged it is harder to heal than other things.
So I don’t really like talking about love, but I’m a young guy with hopes to get married sometime (hopefully sooner than later..)! This is a large chunk of what I need prayer for in decision making. The longer I wait, the more I yearn to be united with my “good thing.” The past few months have been no exception as the potential for my future opens wider and looms nearer, those emotions have gotten all but quieter. I was just sitting here thinking about choices and crying out to God to help me wade through the potentials to focus on the best because my heart was all over the place. It seems to have fits of impatience/uncertainty recently which haven’t been characteristics of my heart for a long long time. It’s always tough dealing with and processing emotions if you don’t know the end result of the “what” that those emotions are growing out of.
The older I get (especially these past few years) I have come into a fuller understanding of the freedom that God has given his discerning child to pick and choose when it comes to marriage. I used to have the one-dimensional view that there is only one person in the whole entire world that is for me and that we are “destined” to be together. I have since left that understanding far behind and as I understand more of the reality of how this works I have found myself “picturing” marrying this woman or that woman. Now some of you may think this is weird, as some of the people that I have explained this to before have. Others might know exactly what I am talking about. Just thinking about “ooh what if this would work” or “I could picture myself marrying her in another life, if situations were different.” Am I the only one? Well anyway, I don’t believe it’s wrong or even unhealthy. God gives us freedom to choose and as long as we make good choices that line up with his will for our lives, we can rest secure in his love and blessings.
I ask that you pray that 1) I would protect my heart and the hearts of those around me, 2) that God would make it clear in whatever way he chooses which option I should take, 3) that I would be patient in the expectant waiting of this time. As I continue to pray, I plan on taking steps towards this future knowing not whether it will work out. I have yet to feel from God that it’s a bad idea 🙂 But like I said, choices choices.
These lyrics to a song called “Anxious” by Dwayne Reed feat Street Hymns have stuck in my mind now for years.