As I grow in maturity, I am more and more aware of my need for a Savior.
Years ago I used to sin without a second thought, and even go to sleep right after without feeling shame. These days my sin is ever before me. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about something terrible I’ve done. Sometimes its what I’ve done from a few hours before, other times what I did to people years ago. If I’m honest, sometimes it can be hard not to wallow in it. It can be hard not to continue thinking about it over and over.
But God doesn’t let me stay there.
I think it’s healthy for believers to be reminded of their sinfulness to a degree. After all, if we were to just avoid thinking about sin or just sin without any afterthought, we wouldn’t ask for forgiveness or realize our need for grace. There is a difference between being reminded that you are a sinful being and being reminded of your past sins. Satan does the latter. I do the former and it’s not hard to do since I am constantly sinning.
But like I said, God doesn’t let me just sit in my guilt and shame. It’s crazy; every time I sin, without fail, God is there to lift my head up. The only thing I can do is open my arms, lay down my shame, and ask for forgiveness from the Eternal Being who holds the power to eternally forgive my sins. Grace is a sweet thing (my mama too). It is like a ray of sunshine on a cold and dark day. When you are the recipient of grace, nothing else in that moment matters. I have been on the receiving end of grace more times than I can count. One of the things I’m learning recently is that no matter hard I try at stopping my sin, I am powerless to by myself. It’s all about grace. God graciously gives strength and perseverance to those who ask.
All this to say, who am I without grace? I do not want to think about that. All I know is that I undeservedly am serving in Haiti for the Kingdom of which I am not worthy to be a part of. Grace upon grace upon grace. As Jonathan Edwards said, “You contribute nothing to your salvation except the sin that made it necessary,” That, my friends, is grace. It’s SO beyond me that I can’t even contribute anything! Thank God for who He is and what He does.
Without grace I am nothing and by the grace of God I carry on.
I feel like this was kinda all over the place. It wasn’t planned and just random thoughts that came to me as I listened to an old SHC sermon this morning. I hope it made sense!