A Beautiful Confusion

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Happy new year to everyone! I hope it was a blessed time with family and friends for everyone; I know it was for me! I was able to return to the states on the 15th of December and stayed until the third of January. It was too short a break for me, but one can never spend enough time with the ones they love.

That being said, the transition back to life in Haiti was quite hard emotionally for me. I knew coming into the beginning of my vacation in the US that it was going to be hard for me to leave my friends and family when it was over. What I didn’t realize is how hard it would be. The night of the second after everyone had left that I was spending time with and I was left to myself to sleep, I couldn’t bring myself to go to sleep. The one thought in my head was how much I was going to miss people. I was feeling the sting of sacrifice, but sacrifice is a beautiful thing. God is definitely stretching me through this experience in ways that I haven’t experienced, and I am grateful for it. As hard as it has been, I still have peace about where God wants me to be and that has been a base note under every emotion. I was explaining the whole thing to one of our medical team participants last night and as I was talking I realized that my life is confusing. Plain and simple it doesn’t make sense, but it is a beautiful confusion. It is uprooted but rooted in God. It is confusing yet simple. It is chaotic but somehow still peaceful…

and i’m okay with that.

I have fantastic friends and family that have supported me more than anyone could ever want. I don’t deserve them but God has chosen to bless me with these amazing people woven into and throughout my life. As I get older I can start to see more clearly God’s work in my life. It is a humbling thing to realize one’s incompetence overrun by God’s gracious call.

Anyway, I came back to Haiti on the same plane as our first group composed of 35 nurses, nursing students and medical students. This is by far the biggest group I have worked with during my time with FFP. They are a great bunch and are very organized (Which can be abnormal with nursing groups in the past)! They are from all over the states and many have not met others before this trip. It’s a blessing that we are gelling well and everyone works smoothly with each other during clinics. So far we have had two clinics and have seen over 500 people for both! Our goal is the same number tomorrow when we go to a village called La Hatte Koten. It is nice to jump right back into work instead of having to wait a few days and stew in my sad juices. (Haha) But for real I am glad that I can work and be occupied so that my heart and mind don’t focus on who and what I have left back in the states.

In other news, Stone Hill is decreasing their monthly support this year because they had an excess last year in a fund that they chose to support me with. Now that I’m on the regular missionary budget, they can’t support as much each month. I will write an updated fundraising post in the near future expressing where i’m at financially and what my needs still are.

Thank you guys for reading these messy blogs (I’ve never done anything like this before) and supporting me both in prayer and financially. You guys rock! God has been using you for more than you could think or imagine through supporting me and His mission in Haiti.

Mesi anpil!

With love,

Ben

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